whatever

sometimes i feel like i'm just in the way
in this hurry-up world where i don't want to play
the hurry-up games with the hurry-up stress
i don't want to be part of the human mess

i do what i want to do
what makes me happy
what sets me free

i enjoy the moments
don't ask for much
i just enjoy being me

and sometimes i feel like i'm just in the way
in this hurry-up world where i don't want to play
the hurry-up games with the hurry-up stress
i don't want to be part of the human mess

i like to help others
to inspire laughter
i believe in living
happily ever after
i don't need the stress
the rules or the fear
i just want to smile
and be happy i'm here

but when i want to share i find
i am asked to change my mind
everyone seems to think differently
there is no compatibility

relaxation is perceived as laziness
intelligence is perceived as haughtiness
and the lack of stress makes others uncomfortable
are they afraid to see the world is beautiful

they are so conditioned to work themselves to death
they skip right over the pleasure of every breath
and i've tried to fit in but it does not work for me
what they think is normal i see as insanity
and maybe that is what they see
when they look at me

but i think honestly
they don't really see

so sometimes i feel like i'm just in the way
in this hurry-up world where i don't want to play
the hurry-up games with the hurry-up stress
i don't want to be part of the human mess

i like to help others
to inspire laughter
i believe in living
happily ever after
i don't need the stress
the rules or the fear
i just want to smile
and be happy i'm here

and sometimes i feel like i'm just in the way
in this hurry-up world where i don't want to play
the hurry-up games with the hurry-up stress
i don't want to be part of the human mess

so i do what i want to do
what makes me happy
what sets me free

and i enjoy the moments
i don't ask for much
i just enjoy being me
i just enjoy being free
i just enjoy being happy

singing is sometimes just crying out loud

if i could touch the feeling
wrap my mind around it
long enough to express it
in words that you might understand
what would you do?
what if you knew

how powerful the feeling
can be when empowered
long enough to share it
in words and eye contact and touch
we can't deny
don't even try
unless you want to know what life is like
living a lie

the bored and the caring
watch endless soap operas
that mimick the feelings
they repress inside

the pretense of sharing
the fear driven cop-outs
that support delusions
that hide where we hide

the self-condemnation
and false recreation
reverse annihilation
disguised suicide

the lost understanding
the holy commanding
and the current pandering
to all your faux pride

and the wonder buried deep in you
when your baby still cried
asks
can you even tell times (when) you told the truth
from the moments you lied?

and the wonder buried deep in you
where your baby still cries
asks
can you even tell times (when) you tell the truth
from the moments you lie?

if i could touch the feeling
wrap my mind around it
long enough to express it
in words that you might understand
what would you do?
what if you knew?
what if you knew?
what would you do?

maybe

as in the moody blues song of the same name and i reference this (e)thereal entry as i continue introducing this blog to myself (and you) for the entry was almost cut and pasted here as it reached into the loneliness and sadness that is bubbling up in the form of some lava-like fluid, a soft, thick, even slightly sticky emotion from depths i long ignored over the past few years... i kept too busy giving to others to feel the deeper desires within myself, but now that i have all the free time that being jobless provides, i can introspect and reassess myself and feel the neglect all too well...

and the thought who can find me rises as i return to the song, really?, i wonder, and who are you now? as in catching up and where are you now? as in right now, no one is here to share whatever i find as i reach into my depths... so why bother with the introspection and reassessment if it is only yet another selfish exercise in futility (or is it?)... can i share myself if i am not in touch with myself?... can i share my depths if they are buried and ignored?... oh surely a miracle worker, an amazing person who cared enough could inspire me to stop feeding the distractions and reflect and share it all, but if i continue to wait for that person, the one, i remain alone and the loneliness can only be buried for so long before it bubbles up as it is doing now...

ignored, it can open a pit, a vacuum, a void, an abyss, a depression... so i come here to put it into words... not just the loneliness and potential depression (and the pity-parties and emo and hopefully logical paths built from this exploration toward resolution of the dissatisfaction or whatever it is that allows the depression to have such compelling power), but whatever else brought me to this moment and condition... for the bored and the caring, and for myself, for the way out, for the hope of sharing again, and for you, i share these long sleeping thoughts here...