waves of darkness

later this year these waves get even worse (prohesy, not too eerie, right?... look, if i don't find some levity in the darkness, i will die and i would rather live, at least for the moment, so i find levity... pretty simple, really) and when the waves of darkness pound the shores of the mind long and hard enough, swimming becomes so challenging that breathing becomes challenging and that is a scary experience cuz breathing is necessary for life as i know it at the moment and as i've likely mentioned once or a few dozen times, i still prefer life to any unknown experience that might happen some other time... still, the disappointments, the betrayals, the isolation, the loneliness... the lack of someone who shares unconditional trust... that is such a sad life experience it brings on the wonder... that impossible wonder would it be better to try whatever comes next (after life, that is) or what?... so far i choose life, or what...

but it hurts so much to live sometimes, especially when wanting to be known and understood and not having anyone who cares to know and understand, sigh... cave into sleep, but not forever... the sun will come out tomorrow, even if your eyes are closed...

feeling the waves of darkness this year...