Saturday, July 28, 2012

loneliness


can i come here to whine when i'm feeling alone
when the loneliness overwhelms my senses
when i really don't want to be all on my own
when the loneliness tears down my defenses

can i come here to say
i have nothing to say
and i don't want to play
i am lonely today

the feeling i'm sharing
please believe
the heart i am wearing
on my sleeve
the world's disappearing
today
only the bored and the caring
would stay

can i come here to cry
when i'm feeling so lonesome
that i could die
have you felt so lonesome
there's no alibi
there is only falling
from an endless sky
into a darkness
a darkness
a darkness
a dark

just loneliness, loneliness feeding self-doubt
just emptiness, emptiness with no way out
just tenderness, tenderness painful to touch
can anybody understand what this is all about
i just want to share
can anyone hear
i just want to share so much

i just want to care
can anyone hear
i just want to care so much
it's painful to touch

(but the only cure
is a human touch)

can i come here to whine when i'm feeling alone
when the loneliness overwhelms my senses
when i really don't want to be all on my own
when the loneliness tears down my defenses

can i come here to say
i have nothing to say
and i don't want to play
i am lonely today

the feeling i'm sharing
please believe
the heart i am wearing
on my sleeve
the world's disappearing
today
only the bored and the caring
would stay

Saturday, July 14, 2012

singing is sometimes just crying out loud

if i could touch the feeling
wrap my mind around it
long enough to express it
in words that you might understand
what would you do?
what if you knew

how powerful the feeling
can be when empowered
long enough to share it
in words and eye contact and touch
we can't deny
don't even try
unless you want to know what life is like
living a lie

the bored and the caring
watch endless soap operas
that mimick the feelings
they repress inside

the pretense of sharing
the fear driven cop-outs
that support delusions
that hide where we hide

the self-condemnation
and false recreation
reverse annihilation
disguised suicide

the lost understanding
the holy commanding
and the current pandering
to all your faux pride

and the wonder buried deep in you
when your baby still cried
asks
can you even tell times (when) you told the truth
from the moments you lied?

and the wonder buried deep in you
where your baby still cries
asks
can you even tell times (when) you tell the truth
from the moments you lie?

if i could touch the feeling
wrap my mind around it
long enough to express it
in words that you might understand
what would you do?
what if you knew?
what if you knew?
what would you do?


Friday, July 6, 2012

maybe

as in the moody blues song of the same name and i reference this (e)thereal entry as i continue introducing this blog to myself (and you) for the entry was almost cut and pasted here as it reached into the loneliness and sadness that is bubbling up in the form of some lava-like fluid, a soft, thick, even slightly sticky emotion from depths i long ignored over the past few years... i kept too busy giving to others to feel the deeper desires within myself, but now that i have all the free time that being jobless provides, i can introspect and reassess myself and feel the neglect all too well...

and the thought who can find me rises as i return to the song, really?, i wonder, and who are you now? as in catching up and where are you now? as in right now, no one is here to share whatever i find as i reach into my depths... so why bother with the introspection and reassessment if it is only yet another selfish exercise in futility (or is it?)... can i share myself if i am not in touch with myself?... can i share my depths if they are buried and ignored?... oh surely a miracle worker, an amazing person who cared enough could inspire me to stop feeding the distractions and reflect and share it all, but if i continue to wait for that person, the one, i remain alone and the loneliness can only be buried for so long before it bubbles up as it is doing now...

ignored, it can open a pit, a vacuum, a void, an abyss, a depression... so i come here to put it into words... not just the loneliness and potential depression (and the pity-parties and emo and hopefully logical paths built from this exploration toward resolution of the dissatisfaction or whatever it is that allows the depression to have such compelling power), but whatever else brought me to this moment and condition... for the bored and the caring, and for myself, for the way out, for the hope of sharing again, and for you, i share these long sleeping thoughts here...

Thursday, July 5, 2012

next stop, albuquerque

well, probably not albuquerque, though i hear some seriously strange and cool people live in the area, even more cooler in santa fe, but that may just be a distraction for here we are as in, this is the next stop on the ride, the roller coaster ride that carries me through this life (or is it me driving, always get those two mixed up, intentionally, of course, because mystery sells better, or something like that, or this even)... anyway, or in any case, for that matter, (who?... not the doctor again) (e)thereal has simply become too distracted as it diverts from it's original purpose and instead of being just a simple and brief record of the daily life, it's become the depository for much more including the whiny pathos festering beneath the surface in these alone and lonely years loosely (and probably appropriately) called opinions and complaints and there, now you know where we came from...

so here we are...

we'll likely get to what we are here for, as in what's it all about (alfie or whomever might be here), next time... until then, welcome and thanks for being here...