suicidal laughter

so instead of laying down and welcoming sleep, i finally gave in, after walking into the kitchen and opening the fridge for the tenth time (at least) in the past couple of hours, i heated up a burrito and dipped into a yummy yogurt dip and satisfied the taste buds and the hunger that was partially physical hunger and mostly, probably, emotional hunger... and so instead of dropping a pound today i probably gained one... especially after a bunch of lindt chocolate balls... the belly bulges again... the ear rings louder... the frustration (and inner anxiety) returns to high, probably unhealthy levels... the night reaches midnight and i am wide awake... so goes the nocturnal circadian rhythm... so goes life as i've known it... so goes a lack of self-discipline and an abundance of self-indulgence... it is a sad euphoria of sorts... a depressing bliss when experiencing the big picture... and probably confusing if we attempt to analyze the whys and wherefores and rationalities and all that jazz... the dvr goes on for distraction... someone save my life tonight plays in the distance... and a sort of suicidal laughter chuckles softly (as opposed to maniacally) under the sighs...

the boredom overrides the caring tonight...

does anybody care?...