tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28392291458294548912024-02-20T01:48:53.169-05:00the bored and the caringcandoorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16247345559618328103noreply@blogger.comBlogger50125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2839229145829454891.post-57005561314105422322019-07-02T01:41:00.001-04:002019-07-02T01:41:47.282-04:00I Won't Give In Cuz I Won't Give Up<p align-justify>Loneiness is a better friend<br />
than any I have known<br />
as long as you don't give in to it<br />
you can survive alone<br />
for bonding out of loneliness<br />
and pretending it's love<br />
is the saddest form of giving up<br />
on the dream I'm dreaming of<br />
<br />
The bored and the caring<br />
accept compromise<br />
soon hey are pretending<br />
it's love and not lies<br />
but they see the sadness<br />
in each other's eyes<br />
if they dare make contact<br />
anywhere but the thighs<br />
<br />
sex can be elixir<br />
lust can be a drug<br />
you can find euphoria<br />
in a simple hug<br />
but deeper is empty<br />
and then fills with pain<br />
when love is lost pleasure<br />
in loneliness' game<br />
<br />
So don't let it fool you<br />
it can be a friend<br />
if you just embrace it<br />
and let the fears end<br />
alone is not painful<br />
when you love yourself<br />
don't make love pretending<br />
with somebody else<br />
<br />
just because you're lonely<br />
you need not give up<br />
don't give into lonely<br />
let dreams be enough<br />
<br />
for dreams are where hope lives<br />
and hope sets you free<br />
from fear of loneliness<br />
and being lonely<br />
<br />
I won't give in cuz I won't give up on love<br />
I won't give in cuz I won't give up on love<br />
I won't give in cuz I won't give up on love<br />
I won't give in cuz I won't give up on love<br />
I won't give in cuz I won't give up on love<br />
I won't give in cuz I won't give up on love<br />
<br />
</p>candoorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16247345559618328103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2839229145829454891.post-22604304705706469812019-05-07T05:50:00.002-04:002019-05-07T05:50:40.348-04:00Who Cares<p align-justify>Such a sad, same old story<br />
withered fight for love and glory<br />
giving up or giving in<br />
living or dying<br />
does it end<br />
or simply<br />
never begin?<br />
<br />
Oh it was a wonderful time<br />
left for what it's worth<br />
within this rhyme<br />
gift or crime<br />
music chime...<br />
<br />
...<br />
<br />
<br />
I used to lay awake and write my heart out<br />
I'd pour my heart out<br />
I'd tear my heart out<br />
. .. .. .. ..<br />
<br />
With a longing, yearning, burning hung-desire<br />
my heart's desire<br />
my heart on fire<br />
. .. .. .. ..<br />
<br />
and melodies of love would fill my head<br />
and endless words of love would fill my bed<br />
and she would sleep beside me peacefully<br />
and I'd wish she'd awaken to know me<br />
<br />
but she never read the words<br />
all the songs she never heard<br />
I would leave them everywhere<br />
but it seemed she didn't care<br />
<br />
why she never read the words<br />
seemed to me to be absurd<br />
even though I was always there<br />
it seemed my heart could disappear<br />
<br />
she stayed out there<br />
she would not share<br />
I was right here<br />
. .. .. .. ..<br />
<br />
all the intimacies<br />
that make intensities<br />
emotional meaningful lifetimes<br />
where left to live within my rhymes<br />
<br />
all the passions remained<br />
on the physical planes<br />
and I was left to wonder why<br />
we could communicate like this<br />
but she wouldn't even try<br />
<br />
so I left the words behind<br />
my heart lied<br />
my heart died<br />
<br />
and I kept it all inside<br />
but I tried<br />
how I tried<br />
<br />
to live her way<br />
what can I say<br />
I wonder what her life is like today... <br />
<br />
<br />
some people are afraid of words I guess<br />
they have other ways to express their happiness<br />
maybe that was all there was to it in the end<br />
in the end<br />
in the end<br />
in the end...<br />
<br />
<br />
why she never read the words<br />
all the songs she never heard<br />
I would leave them everywhere<br />
but it seemed she didn't care<br />
<br />
why she never read the words<br />
seemed to me to be absurd<br />
even though I was always there<br />
it seemed my heart could disappear<br />
<br />
so I did.<br />
<br />
.....<br />
<br />
now I live within the words<br />
all the songs you never heard<br />
I still leave them everywhere<br />
for anyone who cares<br />
<br />
now I love within the words<br />
and it may seem so absurd<br />
but I was still always there<br />
right now<br />
right here....... .. .... . .......... ......... . ......<br />
</p>candoorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16247345559618328103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2839229145829454891.post-29298291973069725382018-10-06T00:48:00.000-04:002018-12-26T00:49:00.013-05:00Whiney Love Song<center>All I ever wanted was the one<br />
I know you’re out there somewhere<br />
Someone saved my life tonight?<br />
I know I can be saved by the music <br />
one more time.<br />
<br />
(spoken)<br />
But it’s true, all I ever wanted was to love and be loved. I give up everything more than once for a home that would really happen and be permanent, unconditional, and all encompassing, but it didn’t work. Still, I’ll try it again in a minute. Faster than that even, given the opportunity. I suppose that attracts the greedy and the users. There sure are a lot of them out there.<br />
<br />
(singing)<br />
Did you ever fall in love and give it all?<br />
Were you ever so happy you could die? <br />
But all you wanted to do was live another day<br />
With the one who made you feel that way.<br />
Natural high.<br />
<br />
(spoken)<br />
I’ve been blessed to feel that way more than once in this life. The ability to unconditionally trust is more seductive even than the ability to unconditionally love and I, for better or worse, can do both. It has been my blessing to feel the fleeting moments of euphoria and my curse to feel the nearly permanent betrayal of the being taken for everything. <br />
<br />
(singing)<br />
Remember those moments that felt like forever <br />
Those times when emotions are so strong<br />
They just swept you off your feet or froze you in your tracks<br />
Those moments are where you belong<br />
<br />
Remember those moments that meant everything<br />
Those times you never wanted to end<br />
May you be blessed with remembering<br />
And sharing those times with a friend<br />
<br />
For whatever life is<br />
Whatever we do<br />
The meaning is what makes us smile<br />
<br />
So give it your all<br />
Whether you fly or fall <br />
and please stop changing dial<br />
<br />
It’s your life you should be watching<br />
Your life you should be living <br />
you are the star of your show<br />
<br />
So fill it with the motion<br />
Your promise and devotion<br />
Plant your seed and then help it grow<br />
<br />
(repeat something profound)<br />
</center><p align-justify> </p>candoorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16247345559618328103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2839229145829454891.post-43617300693638938482018-09-02T00:51:00.000-04:002018-09-11T01:00:45.969-04:00Empathy In A World Of Lies<p align-justify>I don’t listen much to people anymore because I don’t want to hear the lies. Lies don’t just hurt my ears, lies hurt my heart because I know a liar is hurting more than I am. Lies hurt. Empathy sucks in a world of hurt. Lies are born in fear. Lives are killed in fear. Lies are made of fear. They confuse, distort, and abuse anyone listening and anything they are spoken about. It may not be intentional harm, and often it is not. But it is harm nonetheless. It is sad that so many would rather harm than face their fears. It is especially sad when most of the fears are delusional. Fear is born of ignorance. Ignorance is often a choice to close one's mind, to close one's heart, and to believe the lies that others tell. We want to excuse the child and claim the child knows no better, but when the child grows up the child knows better. The child, when grown, chooses The ignorance, the fear, and the lies that defend it. When the reality of truth gets too close the lies turn to violence. To the delusion that violence is necessary. This path will be the destruction of the species unless enough people choose love over fear, knowledge over ignorance, and truth over lies.<br />
</p>candoorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16247345559618328103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2839229145829454891.post-46867082189791539162018-02-07T00:31:00.001-05:002018-02-07T00:31:09.203-05:00For The Bored and The Caring<center>I sit here writing every night<br />
in hope that someone will read these words I write<br />
I sit here wishing on a star<br />
that somehow this will reach you where you are<br />
<br />
I write out of boredom<br />
but more out of caring<br />
a passion for loving<br />
a hunger for sharing<br />
<br />
in passing the time here<br />
hope fights off loneliness<br />
fears and stress disappears<br />
leaving more room for peace<br />
and dreams of happiness<br />
<br />
for the bored and the caring<br />
I give you this time<br />
these words for amusement<br />
and a thoughtful rhyme<br />
<br />
for the bored and the caring<br />
you are not alone<br />
I offer this sharing<br />
this bottle is thrown<br />
<br />
containing this message<br />
into cyber seas<br />
this is why I'm writing<br />
and asking you, please<br />
<br />
if you're bored and caring<br />
reach out and share<br />
don't wait one more minute<br />
show someone you care<br />
<br />
this life is but moments<br />
right now, this one<br />
it's yours for the making<br />
so let's make it fun<br />
<br />
for the bored and the caring<br />
our choices are clear<br />
stay bored or start sharing<br />
together, we're here<br />
<br />
in passing the time here<br />
hope fights off loneliness<br />
fears and stress disappears<br />
leaving more room for peace<br />
and dreams of happiness<br />
<br />
for the bored and the caring<br />
I give you this time<br />
these words for amusement<br />
and a thoughtful rhyme<br />
</center>candoorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16247345559618328103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2839229145829454891.post-42151999611368837982017-07-02T04:09:00.001-04:002017-07-02T04:09:22.277-04:00I wish I could explain...<center>I wish I could explain to people what I understand<br />
about the way they hurt each other with their own two hands<br />
and how they hurt themselves just wants me to stay far away<br />
but still I want to share with someone... almost every day<br />
<br />
I wish people were not so similar to cancer<br />
if you see the big picture we don't seem to have a soul<br />
our relationship with the host that keeps us all alive<br />
is like a virus that has gone out of control<br />
<br />
I wish I could explain why people do what they do<br />
Can you really tell me and say it all makes sense to you?<br />
Fish soil the water they live in, and animals can be forgiven<br />
but humans are supposed to know better<br />
so why do we act as if we don't have a clue?<br />
I wish I could explain why people do what they do<br />
<br />
We want infinite growth within a finite system<br />
refusing to see the obvious lack of logic in our plan<br />
from the environment t the economy we ignore our own entropy<br />
the fatal flaw in humanity is the progress of man<br />
<br />
I wish I could explain why people do what they do<br />
Can you really tell me and say it all makes sense to you?<br />
Fish soil the water they live in, and animals can be forgiven<br />
but humans are supposed to know better<br />
so why do we act as if we don't have a clue?<br />
I wish I could explain why people do what they do<br />
<br />
What we call progress is mostly self-destruction<br />
and we create so many distractions to avoid the truth<br />
Entertainment, drugs, and gambling all in mass production<br />
chasing dreams as viable as the fountain of youth<br />
<br />
I wish someone would see what I see, know what I know, feel the alarm<br />
I wish someone would take their head up out of the sand<br />
I wish someone would share honesty without pretense or self-harm<br />
I wish I could explain to people what I understand</center>candoorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16247345559618328103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2839229145829454891.post-72632023278041479732017-06-05T02:56:00.001-04:002017-06-06T22:13:13.819-04:00Would Be Bored<p align-justify><center>I would be bored if I cared<br />
but I taught myself how not to<br />
Just sad that no one is here<br />
to see me not caring<br />
I think I wrote this one<br />
because I still do<br />
<br />
but what good is caring<br />
if nobody knows<br />
what good is caring<br />
if it never shows<br />
what good is caring<br />
if nobody sees<br />
might as ell be caring<br />
on your knees<br />
<br />
in another life<br />
in another place<br />
in another time<br />
in a state of grace<br />
<br />
in an old delusion<br />
secure in confusion<br />
with a smiling illusion<br />
painted on your face<br />
<br />
I would be angry if I cared<br />
but I taught myself not to feel<br />
it's just easier this way<br />
avoiding what is real<br />
and still I sing this one<br />
what gives it appeal?<br />
<br />
what good is caring<br />
if nobody knows<br />
what good is caring<br />
if it never shows<br />
what if all the caring<br />
is not all it seems<br />
might as ell be caring<br />
in your dreams<br />
<br />
how lost must you be<br />
to accept fantasy<br />
as your reality<br />
oh say can you see?<br />
how can you be right<br />
blinded by the light?<br />
and when your best defense<br />
is pretense<br />
<br />
repeat something wise<br />
then close your eyes<br />
just repeat something wise<br />
then close your eyes<br />
</center></p>candoorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16247345559618328103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2839229145829454891.post-47248151696312022612016-10-06T06:25:00.000-04:002016-10-06T18:25:14.631-04:00Sycophants and Vultures<center>I have gained a lot of knowledge through education<br />
I have gained even more through experience<br />
I have had success that others only dream of<br />
I have left it all behind at great expense<br />
<br />
I have flown to the top of the mountain<br />
I have sunk to the depths of destitution<br />
I make choices that got me to everywhere I've been<br />
I wanted to know how it feels to be human<br />
<br />
And all I've learn through all the ups and downs<br />
is you can't always trust a smile or a frown<br />
<br />
people are puzzles with pieces missing<br />
pieces they hide from even themselves<br />
sometimes priorities are so disordered<br />
they hide in books they keep on their shelves<br />
<br />
Ones who are seen as the most successful<br />
are often the unhappiest humans alive<br />
Ones who are seen as total failures<br />
often know joy is in how they survive<br />
(often know best how to make joy survive)<br />
<br />
What are the standards that bring us respect<br />
What are the fears that make us reject<br />
all we pretend to believe under steeples<br />
matters little when we are judging people<br />
<br />
So you can keep all of your gold and your glitter<br />
the respect it brings is shallow and cold<br />
the truth will surround you when you least expect it<br />
with sycophants and vultures when you are old<br />
</center><br />
candoorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16247345559618328103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2839229145829454891.post-26028958766048187272016-07-01T04:21:00.000-04:002016-08-04T01:22:29.963-04:00Stinky Bed (Agape Largesse)<p align-justify><center>I have a stinky bed<br />
it's not good for my head<br />
the sheets need washing bad<br />
it kind of makes me sad<br />
I must get to a laundromat<br />
it would be good if it was stat<br />
there is no place where i feel clean<br />
do you know what I mean?<br />
<br />
I know somebody cares about me<br />
just no one cares enough<br />
to know the life I live today<br />
and that makes smiling tough<br />
I still feel happiness inside<br />
as I always did<br />
but there's a part of me that died<br />
when I was a kid<br />
<br />
longing for a mother's love<br />
longing for a god above<br />
longing for the unconditional trust<br />
that allows love and lust<br />
<br />
longing for the limitless<br />
longing for the great egress<br />
longing for the metabolic process<br />
that allows convalesce<br />
to acquiesce<br />
fully express<br />
pure happiness<br />
without repress<br />
without suppress<br />
without the mess<br />
of the abscess<br />
of distress<br />
or depress<br />
agape largesse<br />
coalesce<br />
success<br />
<br />
all it takes is caring<br />
all it takes is sharing<br />
all it takes is hearing<br />
each other's heart beats<br />
<br />
all it takes is knowing what to do<br />
maybe this has happened to you too<br />
it all comes together when you find a heart that's true<br />
and wash the stinking sheets<br />
just wash the stinking sheets<br />
please wash the stinking sheets<br />
<br />
(laughter, combining child-like wonder with mischief that means no harm... if you know what I mean and if you do... I'm waiting here for you all this life I've been waiting for <a href=http://forthe1.blogspot.com/ target="_blank">you</a>)<br />
</center><br />
so what else is new? lol lam lal laa :)<br />
</p>candoorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16247345559618328103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2839229145829454891.post-80449989745008696562016-03-24T02:23:00.003-04:002016-03-24T02:23:25.914-04:00SilenceFeeling flabby, soft, out of shape. More than ever before in this life. Aches are spreading in the muscles used for pitching and swinging the bat (much more the former than the latter though as I do the former much more than the latter). Frustrated with thr laziness and apathy that has gotten me here. Wishing someone cared enough to do something but knowing it is rare. Why should someone care about me more than I do?<br />
<br />
Because that is what love is?<br />
<br />
What is love?<br />
<br />
Do you have to be an Einstein to know?<br />
<br />
<blockquote>”When I proposed the theory of relativity, very few understood me, and what I will reveal now to transmit to mankind will also collide with the misunderstanding and prejudice in the world.<br />
I ask you to guard the letters as long as necessary, years, decades, until society is advanced enough to accept what I will explain below.<br />
There is an extremely powerful force that, so far, science has not found a formal explanation to. It is a force that includes and governs all others, and is even behind any phenomenon operating in the universe and has not yet been identified by us.<br />
This universal force is LOVE.<br />
When scientists looked for a unified theory of the universe they forgot the most powerful unseen force.<br />
Love is Light, that enlightens those who give and receive it.<br />
Love is gravity, because it makes some people feel attracted to others.<br />
Love is power, because it multiplies the best we have, and allows humanity not to be extinguished in their blind selfishness. Love unfolds and reveals.<br />
For love we live and die.<br />
Love is God and God is Love.<br />
This force explains everything and gives meaning to life. This is the variable that we have ignored for too long, maybe because we are afraid of love because it is the only energy in the universe that man has not learned to drive at will.<br />
To give visibility to love, I made a simple substitution in my most famous equation.<br />
If instead of E = mc2, we accept that the energy to heal the world can be obtained through love multiplied by the speed of light squared, we arrive at the conclusion that love is the most powerful force there is, because it has no limits.<br />
After the failure of humanity in the use and control of the other forces of the universe that have turned against us, it is urgent that we nourish ourselves with another kind of energy…<br />
If we want our species to survive, if we are to find meaning in life, if we want to save the world and every sentient being that inhabits it, love is the one and only answer.<br />
Perhaps we are not yet ready to make a bomb of love, a device powerful enough to entirely destroy the hate, selfishness and greed that devastate the planet.<br />
However, each individual carries within them a small but powerful generator of love whose energy is waiting to be released.<br />
When we learn to give and receive this universal energy, dear Lieserl, we will have affirmed that love conquers all, is able to transcend everything and anything, because love is the quintessence of life.<br />
I deeply regret not having been able to express what is in my heart, which has quietly beaten for you all my life. Maybe it’s too late to apologize, but as time is relative, I need to tell you that I love you and thanks to you I have reached the ultimate answer! “.<br />
Your father Albert Einstein<font size=6><a href=http://wordsfromotherminds.blogspot.com/2016/03/what-is-love.html target="_blank">*</a> </font><br />
</blockquote><br />
Cute, maybe clever, but not subtle, aye? Caring about someone so much you want the best for them and actively help them get to their best whenever possible, whenever the opportunity arises. And beyond caring, doing it, putting the energy of love into the actions we do for each other. <br />
<br />
I was there once. I remember. I let myself atrophy, stagnate, wallow in self-pity and despair but most of all, I got selfish and cut my nose off to spite my face. i decided that I would not love my best until someone else came to prove to me someone else can. A challenge to the human race. <br />
<br />
The arrogance of the challenge pushed people away as if no one was good enough to do it. Maybe that is true, maybe I deluded myself into believing I was the only one who could. <br />
<br />
It comes and goes like brief hot flashes of awareness now and I sit back and watch it pass. Sometimes I project and those around me may do better for it, but perhaps that too is an egocentric delusion. <br />
<br />
The few who got the closest to me may have some answers I do not have (how could I see myself from any perspective outside of myself, after all... ah, but that was part of the experience I knew, the awareness of being part of everything and how I affected and effected everything... my wondering and wanting someone else to tell me may simply be the insecurity of my ego seeking reassurance... and again, arrogance... tell me just how grand I can be before I will actually be it... harumph), but silence surrounds me. <br />
<br />
I smile and ask... <i>Who cares enough to do a rootscan of me with me?</i><br />
<br />
I'll return the favor, but only if you ask. <br />
<br />
candoorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16247345559618328103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2839229145829454891.post-33745063286130569882016-03-17T01:45:00.001-04:002016-03-17T01:52:37.130-04:00is this where this goes?<p align-justify>heck if anybody knows if anybody <a href=http://caringisaverb.blogspot.com/ target="_blank">cares</a> (but I do) if I am uncomfortable or aching or missing out or whatever, blah blah blah, who likes a depressed child... nobody's asking... so i am <a href=http://caringisaverb.blogspot.com/2016/03/sighing.html target="_blank">sighing</a>... could be because I am getting none of this... <br />
<br />
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</p>candoorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16247345559618328103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2839229145829454891.post-51557545682643149592015-12-13T03:51:00.000-05:002016-12-14T07:07:59.217-05:00Lost Hope, Found Depression (New Year, Same Mood, Different Place)<p align-justify>So many ways to choose in this life and yet, only one way to go down. Though the triggers may be infinite, you don't go down as long as you have hope because hope floats. This blog is sometimes where hope seems to sink or simply fades away, though if you appear and care, there's always hope. Hope comes from the potential, the possibility, the presence of the sharing. You feel me? That's hope. You share the simple fact that you are here? That's hope. Sometimes, it is simply choosing to be in the right (or wrong) place at the right (or wrong) time with the right (or wrong) person (or people). <br />
<br />
<blockquote><p align=justify>Sucks to be the only one who does not drink in a large group... Sucks to be the only one old enough to be everybody's father or even grandfather to some in the large group... Sucks to have nobody to talk to about it... Sucks to be alone like this...<br />
<center>I am a good person<br />
I've been a good friend<br />
I give the shirt off my back<br />
I'm always the one<br />
On whom others depend<br />
</center>Yeah, so anyway.... The fool on the hill has nothing on me cuz I enjoy the giving too much to stop even though I know some of the people are taking advantage and even though few would really be there if I needed them and even though no one is there just for me, like now, the giving feeling is so good it lingers on, even now, so I don't stop.wand.even through the loneliest tears I see rainbows because that is what the feeling of giving is for me, rainbows... Giving feels like rainbows :)<br />
<br />
So I'm the <br />
<br />
<center>The designated driver<br />
The shoulder to cry on<br />
The one who picks up the tab<br />
And buys what you need<br />
The one you rely on<br />
<br />
And I'm the fool on the hill<br />
When no one is around<br />
Smiling satisfied I've done my best<br />
To give all I can<br />
To make others happy<br />
To help whomever comes around<br />
<br />
but the song I sing all by myself<br />
Is a very lonely sound<br />
</center><br />
Yeah yeah yeah... And here we are again dreaming of the one who will fall in love with me in spite of my not trying (cuz if yiu really put your heart into it you can fall in love with anyone and make anyone fall with you, but that would be telling) and even though I am actively resisting to test the resolve to fall and to.measure the distance between the desire and the unconditional... And the back is tired from all the years if carrying others far beyond expectations as there are always others along the way who need help to get where they want to be... No one expects the unconditional... I will say it again... In a world where selfishness is the norm, no one expects the unconditional...<br />
<br />
So I went to New Orleans and ate alone... hello hello will this work as a voice recorder apparently it does <br />
</p></blockquote><br />
Sitting in a rental house (or was it in the car?... does it matter?), alone, while everyone went out somewhere and I stayed back for several valid reasons. Poverty and lack of income. Not wanting to be out all night with drinkers because the tournament starts early in the morning and the body needs rest to do well. Most nights I drive people around. Maybe there's more hope in that. <br />
<br />
Maybe you care. <br />
</p>candoorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16247345559618328103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2839229145829454891.post-73079532266390729182015-11-07T06:06:00.002-05:002015-11-07T06:08:57.734-05:00devastating freedom<p align-justify>the freedom that comes from not working comes with a dichotomous challenge like a double edged swords... even if there is no need for income, there is the pleasure of free time vs. the potential for boredom, loneliness, lack of purpose, and devaluation... too much free time can get boring as most of the work is busy at work during the day... it can get lonely depending on shopping or other commerce for social interaction... few can attain and maintain high self-esteem without some regular validation from a successful experience... and then there is a social aspect of work, which may be far from ideal, but is consistent for 40 hours a week for most people and more for others... <br />
<br />
add financial need to the mix and the stress deepens dramatically... wondering if bills can be paid is high stress... wondering if rent can be paid is seriously high stress... where a next meal will come from is profoundly high stress... it can drive some to illegal activities which compounds the risks of being income-less... so the freedom that comes from not working can be devastating... <br />
<br />
it won't get devastating for me for a while, but draining savings slowly is stressful itself... it would be nice to have some wealthy caring people reading this, even one person wealthy enough to send some financial help, but the same question asked <a href=http://caringisaverb.blogspot.com/2015/11/anybody-out-there.html target="_blank">in this blog</a> can be asked here... am i alone?... <br />
<br />
wish this was a happier update... wish i was not alone... sigh and all that... <br />
<br />
hope for better news next time... <br />
</p>candoorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16247345559618328103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2839229145829454891.post-22446508157196891732015-06-05T03:00:00.000-04:002015-06-10T18:46:59.266-04:00don't want to be down<p align-justify>still want to dream... but so tired and more, too many loose ends at work, soo much unfinished business, too little separation between work and life, 24/7 staffing is not what i signed up for... read <a href=http://caringisaverb.blogspot.com/2015/06/the-question.html target="_blank">these</a> <a href=http://e-the-real.blogspot.com/2015/06/will-this-entry-change-our-lives.html target="_blank">four</a> <a href=http://candora.diaryland.com/bottomline.html target="_blank">other</a> <a href=http://outotblue.blogspot.com/2015/06/no-van-gogh.html target="_blank">stories</a>) and let me sleep :)<br />
<br />
till tomorrow... <br />
<br />
</p>candoorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16247345559618328103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2839229145829454891.post-73428341426810216112015-05-22T01:03:00.000-04:002015-06-10T18:41:22.201-04:00not sleeping well<p align-justify>too much recliner, not enough bed... to much bend of the spine, not enough laying flat out in free fall... curving into old, or curling... the body is begging for a change of position and more sleep and on top of that, i am forgetting the blood pressure pill more often, which will probably lead to a stroke or heart attack cuz the body becomes dependant on the pill (dang drug pushers) and forgetting to take them (or running out, like where am i gonna get the pills after the apocalypse?... suicidal or self-destructive or just pathetic?... probably the trifecta triangle and trinity all rolled into one... fool... <br />
<br />
who cares... <br />
<br />
</p>candoorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16247345559618328103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2839229145829454891.post-15195487319403708302015-02-22T01:40:00.003-05:002015-02-22T01:51:21.986-05:00unfinished song (unanswered question)<p align-justify><center>people do not want to face the facts<br />
that we use each other<br />
people would rather fight and lie<br />
than share truth with each other<br />
people would rather hide or die<br />
than get real with each other<br />
fearing each other<br />
people cry<br />
<br />
people do not want to understand<br />
why we don't trust each other<br />
people would rather ball up their hand<br />
than share love with each other<br />
people would rather make demands<br />
than just accept each other<br />
rejecting each other<br />
people cry<br />
<br />
<a href=http://songsyouneverheard.blogspot.com/2015/02/unanswered-questions-unfinished-songs.html target="_blank">why</a>...<br />
do we make choices that bring us down<br />
oh why oh why<br />
do we have to paint a smile on a clown<br />
can you tell me why<br />
we are so afraid to be honest with each other<br />
or even with ourselves<br />
why oh why<br />
is it all in the books books upon our shelves<br />
or is there another reason sisters and brothers<br />
make life hell<br />
</center></p>candoorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16247345559618328103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2839229145829454891.post-9996060007483666192014-12-14T22:43:00.000-05:002014-12-14T22:43:28.420-05:00when you get here<p align-justify>wanting caring<br />
wanting sharing<br />
<br />
why is everyone so afraid<br />
delusions taught from birth<br />
are destroying the earth<br />
irresponsibility<br />
blessed by holy trinity<br />
thank god for human frailty<br />
so you don't have to be<br />
responsible for reality<br />
<br />
wanting caring<br />
wanting sharing<br />
<br />
you fear used to puzzle me<br />
then it became annoying<br />
now it sometimes scares me<br />
because it leads to cruelty<br />
you justify your violence<br />
as some sort of self-defense<br />
when you attack yourself with fear<br />
it is getting boring<br />
<br />
wanting sharing<br />
wanting caring<br />
<br />
you pretend you do but you are too afraid<br />
but you push away true love and honest caring<br />
you pretend good thoughts and preach good intentions<br />
but you are afraid of really sharing<br />
<br />
wanting caring<br />
wanting sharing<br />
<br />
i'll be here when you get here<br />
</p>candoorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16247345559618328103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2839229145829454891.post-46550761589935927462014-11-17T23:02:00.000-05:002014-11-17T23:48:00.609-05:00used to dream<center>used to dream someone would come along<br />
to write and sing the greatest love song<br />
ecstasy in harmony, that's what i want to share<br />
and all it would take is someone who cares the way i care<br />
<br />
used to dream<br />
that's how i used to dream<br />
used to dream,<br />
boy, i used to dream<br />
<br />
used to dream someone would take my hand<br />
and share the journey to a wonderland<br />
created by the magic of sharing honesty<br />
and all it takes is love and trusting unconditionally <br />
<br />
used to dream<br />
that's how i used to dream<br />
used to dream,<br />
boy, i used to dream<br />
<br />
tried and tried again i gave my all<br />
unconditional trust leaves one so vulnerable<br />
time and time again cam the big fall<br />
and i was left with nothing but the dream and a wall<br />
alone with nothing but a wailing wall<br />
<br />
and i wonder now if that's how people are<br />
starting our with such promise of true love<br />
but still afraid to go that far<br />
<br />
and i wonder now that i am almost gone<br />
with nothing but a broken heart to give<br />
how do i go on<br />
<br />
used to dream<br />
oh how i used to dream<br />
used to dream,<br />
boy, i used to dream<br />
</center><br />
candoorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16247345559618328103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2839229145829454891.post-87876723733232363462014-10-22T02:13:00.000-04:002014-11-23T02:14:06.679-05:00waves of darkness<p align-justify>later this year these waves get even worse (prohesy, not too eerie, right?... look, if i don't find some levity in the darkness, i will die and i would rather live, at least for the moment, so i find levity... pretty simple, really) and when the waves of darkness pound the shores of the mind long and hard enough, swimming becomes so challenging that breathing becomes challenging and that is a scary experience cuz breathing is necessary for life as i know it at the moment and as i've likely mentioned once or a few dozen times, i still prefer life to any unknown experience that might happen some other time... still, the disappointments, the betrayals, the isolation, the loneliness... the lack of someone who shares unconditional trust... that is such a sad life experience it brings on the wonder... that impossible wonder <i>would it be better to try whatever comes next (after life, that is) or what?</i>... so far i choose life, or what... <br />
<br />
but it hurts so much to live sometimes, especially when wanting to be known and understood and not having anyone who cares to know and understand, sigh... cave into sleep, but not forever... the sun will come out tomorrow, even if your eyes are closed... <br />
<br />
feeling the waves of darkness this year... <br />
<br />
</p>candoorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16247345559618328103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2839229145829454891.post-82113414073050307502014-04-16T23:52:00.000-04:002014-11-22T23:55:26.240-05:00deeper sorrows<p align-justify>there are deeper sorrows i do not raise every day but repressed they are dangerous so i don't ignore them for too long... i see so many who create so much anxiety and confusion inside of themselves when they bury deeper sadness and it can lead to self-destruction so easily in this world where self-destruction is such an acceptable choice... it is almost always better when someone is trusted enough to share the deeper sadness so it is not festering inside... released in discussion it loses power and released in catharsis it can become a joy to know someone cares enough to empathize... that is healing... a good feeling... <br />
<br />
but even when deeper sorrows are not shared, which is sad, they can still be released and that is the best we can do alone... don't repress the deeper sorrows... find ways to let them out... that is what this message is all about... maybe that is what this blog is all about... or <a href=http://mostlydead.livejournal.com target="_blank">this</a> or <a href=http://mostlydead.diaryland.com target="_blank">this</a> (and so many others)... don't repress the deeper sorrows... find ways to let them out... <br />
<br />
</p>candoorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16247345559618328103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2839229145829454891.post-15682891245339064772014-03-23T00:34:00.000-04:002014-11-21T00:34:34.089-05:00what does it matter?<p align-justify>even asking the question has no meaning if it is a question that no one reads or hears... and this blog, slowly finding whatever voice and theme and meaning it might reach for, if it is never read, what does it matter... even the question can bring the depressing realization that all the efforts in the world to share, to communicate, to create something meaningful in this life may be a waste of time... but maybe, like so many others who were never heard or seen while alive, this is a way to leave something meaningful behind... <br />
<br />
for what it's worth... <br />
<br />
</p>candoorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16247345559618328103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2839229145829454891.post-72464524223769229672014-02-22T00:12:00.000-05:002014-11-21T00:13:58.415-05:00suicidal laughter<p align-justify>so instead of laying down and welcoming sleep, i finally gave in, after walking into the kitchen and opening the fridge for the tenth time (at least) in the past couple of hours, i heated up a burrito and dipped into a yummy yogurt dip and satisfied the taste buds and the hunger that was partially physical hunger and mostly, probably, emotional hunger... and so instead of dropping a pound today i probably gained one... especially after a bunch of lindt chocolate balls... the belly bulges again... the ear rings louder... the frustration (and inner anxiety) returns to high, probably unhealthy levels... the night reaches midnight and i am wide awake... so goes the nocturnal circadian rhythm... so goes life as i've known it... so goes a lack of self-discipline and an abundance of self-indulgence... it is a sad euphoria of sorts... a depressing bliss when experiencing the big picture... and probably confusing if we attempt to analyze the whys and wherefores and rationalities and all that jazz... the dvr goes on for distraction... someone save my life tonight plays in the distance... and a sort of suicidal laughter chuckles softly (as opposed to maniacally) under the sighs... <br />
<br />
the boredom overrides the caring tonight... <br />
<br />
does anybody care?... <br />
<br />
</p>candoorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16247345559618328103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2839229145829454891.post-79734256921961051282014-01-17T23:46:00.000-05:002014-11-20T23:47:09.673-05:00human sadness<p align-justify>somewhere along the way the wonder, excitement, curiosity, innocence, and magic of life is lost as the years pass in a life time... for most, it happens before puberty and for the rest, except for a very few, it happens before a person reaches the age of independent legal status in this culture... the few who hang on past that are either burned badly by the others or live in a delusional farce by luck and chance and circumstance (like great wealth or isolation) that protects them from the fear that grows to dominate most others and turn them into at best, insensitive self-destructive fools and at worst, murderers and those who glorify killing... and i wonder if anyone makes it through more than a few decades without losing the magic <i>and</i> without insulating themselves with delusion or circumstance... <br />
<br />
here i am... <br />
<br />
</p>candoorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16247345559618328103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2839229145829454891.post-16563381050272918932013-12-16T00:16:00.000-05:002014-11-20T15:11:36.359-05:00before caring got bored<p align-justify>it's that the key (and 88 links {and even more references to songs and people and experiences and events and so on and so forth and you know the rest} could easily be placed right here said the piano man), when the caring was real, before it got bored, there was no need for a god or a lord, when caring was real, before love was a prize, there was no need to close your eyes... when caring was real, there was no fear or shame, love was not a negotiation or game, when caring was real, before it got bored, caring was valued and never ignored... so much is forgotten, so much is ignored, so much was lost when caring got bored... <br />
</p>candoorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16247345559618328103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2839229145829454891.post-20006680009300321122013-11-15T23:57:00.000-05:002014-11-18T00:08:34.148-05:00when caring was real<p align-justify>there were people, once upon a time, who cared for real... i mean, time would pass and we would fall out of touch for years and we'd get back together and care, help, share, and be true friends as we were when we were first best of friends... there are few who reach that bond and i have been lucky to know some... two have birthdays today, barb and ray... two would would embrace the bored and continue caring... <br />
<br />
let the songs play... wish you were here :)<br />
<br />
</p>candoorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16247345559618328103noreply@blogger.com0