maybe

as in the moody blues song of the same name and i reference this (e)thereal entry as i continue introducing this blog to myself (and you) for the entry was almost cut and pasted here as it reached into the loneliness and sadness that is bubbling up in the form of some lava-like fluid, a soft, thick, even slightly sticky emotion from depths i long ignored over the past few years... i kept too busy giving to others to feel the deeper desires within myself, but now that i have all the free time that being jobless provides, i can introspect and reassess myself and feel the neglect all too well...

and the thought who can find me rises as i return to the song, really?, i wonder, and who are you now? as in catching up and where are you now? as in right now, no one is here to share whatever i find as i reach into my depths... so why bother with the introspection and reassessment if it is only yet another selfish exercise in futility (or is it?)... can i share myself if i am not in touch with myself?... can i share my depths if they are buried and ignored?... oh surely a miracle worker, an amazing person who cared enough could inspire me to stop feeding the distractions and reflect and share it all, but if i continue to wait for that person, the one, i remain alone and the loneliness can only be buried for so long before it bubbles up as it is doing now...

ignored, it can open a pit, a vacuum, a void, an abyss, a depression... so i come here to put it into words... not just the loneliness and potential depression (and the pity-parties and emo and hopefully logical paths built from this exploration toward resolution of the dissatisfaction or whatever it is that allows the depression to have such compelling power), but whatever else brought me to this moment and condition... for the bored and the caring, and for myself, for the way out, for the hope of sharing again, and for you, i share these long sleeping thoughts here...